How to process a breakup?

Everything has a beginning and an end, however, sometimes when we start a relationship we have the illusion that it will be for life but this is not always the case. The end of a relationship can be very painful, sad, and sometimes exasperating. Here are some healthy ways to process a breakup:

1- Write some letters.

1 letter where you tell the other person how angry you are, and how angry this separation makes you feel, explain the reasons.

1 letter where you say how sad you feel, everything you had dreamed of about that person, and how devastating this process is, add questions you may have, and everything you have left to say.

1 last letter telling that person that you are grateful for the time you two spent together, that you forgive the bad, and are grateful for the good that happened. That you assume your responsibility for the problems you both have had, and that you leave the responsibility that corresponds to them in their hands. That you will no longer live as a prisoner of the past, that you decide to let go of the pain, and that little by little you will recover and be able to move on. That you wish him/her the best, and whatever else you want to say to him/her.

You do not have to send these letters, you can write more letters as you please, but you don’t have to send them. These letters are just a means for you to vent and let out all those repressed emotions, that if they did not come out could cause you health problems.

2- Take some time to do what you like.

You can share with friends, exercise, practice a sport, have time for self-care, enjoy hobbies, start a new project, take classes in something that you are passionate about, and invest your time in productive things.

3- Spend time without a partner.

It is not a good idea to start a new relationship still loving the previous partner, nor without having processed the loss, and the pain of separation, you can end up in a worse relationship than the previous one. Pausing your account on dating sites, staying low-key for a while will help you get through this painful time. While you are healing, you can begin to get used to some alone time.

4- Seek help if you need it.

In case the pain is unbearable and you have the anxiety and urge to calm it down with alcohol or harmful substances, it would be good if you seek professional help, counseling and pastoral help, and the support of people who love you, and mean you well.

5- Understand that this is temporary.

You will not be sad all your life, just as you fell in love, you will also fall out of love one day. That person is human, with mistakes, and perhaps he/she is struggling with many things, just like you. When we stop idealizing the person we dreamed of, who we wanted them to be, who we thought he/she was in our mind, we begin to see who he/she really is, and the blindfold falls off.

6- Evaluate to see if you really are in love, or if you are just infatuated.

Once in my life, I thought I had fallen in love with a person, it seemed very strange to me because he was not the kind of person I would fall in love with, he had a very childish mentality and that did not seem attractive at all. One night I began to self-evaluate, and to asked myself what made me “love” such a person, and I began to remember the countdown to that moment, and I realized that I was not in love, I had only started to feel some attraction, because I was having a very difficult time those days, and I was at the wrong time and place. Since then, I cut off all kinds of communication with Mr. baby man, because I was not a babysitter 👩🏽‍🍼 and the story was over.

“Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down; But a good word cheers him up. “

Proverbs 12:25 KJV

7- Spend time with God.

Talk to him like a friend. He is close to you, he loves you and cares about everything that happens to you.

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted; And save the contrite of spirit. “

Psalm 34:18 ESV

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