1-If you have noticed a negative pattern on your dating experiences.
For example you met someone, then began dating, soon after they ghosted you, or you ghosted them, which means stopping from answering messages suddenly and without an apparent reason, you need to evaluate what may be the cause for this to happen. If you have met 3-4 potential partners and none of them have a stable life, bad mouthing their ex, jobless with no plans to generate income, with fear of commitment, looking at other people with desires in front of you. Be aware of what you are settling for, and refuse it. If you work on yourself first, then you’ll know when someone is trustworthy.
2- You may feel instantly attracted to someone, but eventually leads to a bad experience.
We attract who we are, so we need to work on ourselves to heal our self esteem, and forgive past offenses, then we’ll begin attracting stable people when we become more emotionally healthy and stable.
3-If you see yourself broken, unworthy, ugly you’ll attract the wrong person.
You may attract someone focusing on him/herself, or someone who will flatter you to take advantage of you, since they can sense your low self esteem and insecurities. “For such people do not serve our Lord Christ, but their own appetites and base desires. By smooth and flattering speech they deceive the hearts of the unsuspecting [the innocent and the naive].”
Romans 16:18 AMP
4- If you have not developed a deep relationship with the Lord.
This is very important, because the closest we get to God the more we know our worth, and identity. Besides, our discernment increases to protect ourselves from evil individuals.
5- You are getting married because, there’s something that you want to get( children, social status, economic growth, afraid pf loneliness, lust, etc.
These are very wrong reasons to get married. We have to be careful that marriage is not a pain killer, nor an idol that will compete with God’s place in our hearts.
6- If you haven’t had closure in past traumas.
This is why we need time being single, to deal with the traumas that took our emotional life out of shape, we have to ask God for help, and if necessary get the right professionals to uncover and treat this issues appropriately.
7- If you are not able to keep long term relationships, friendships, it’s going to be harder to have a long-term marriage.
This is a hard one, and it’s not necessary a law, but you can work on improving this area starting today, you may begin reading articles on social abilities. I understand it’s not always our fault, sometimes we choose wrong friends. People don’t have to be perfect for us to love them, and good relationships need two people who are interested and committed.
8- If you have lack of forgiveness towards parents, and people from childhood, unsolved conflicts, etc.
While you are single is the best time to solve those problems if you can. Forgiveness is a decision and is not a sign of weakness, is for our benefit so we don’t have that burden in our hearts. This not necessarily means that the relationship will be restored, is just one of the first steps in getting closure from the past.
9- If you have not gotten over your past (previous marriages, failed engagement, betrayal, romantic relationships, etc.) .
You’ll know when you are ready for a relationship when you don’t have the need to talk bad about past relationships, and you don’t remember them with hatred anymore.
10- If is hard for you to tell people the truth, and to set boundaries.
Some people are going to crash into our lives and they’re not accepting a no for an answer. I’m going to share more about this in my next post “Surviving the attack of a hobosexual-creep”. We need to be able to set boundaries and tell the people upfront that we are not interested in dating, and create a habit of telling the truth even if that is not the cutest part. What I mean with the truth is not revealing secrets, nor your private life, is about letting people know that you are not available, that you are not going to attend the party they invited you, that you don’t talk about that particular topic until you consider it’s the right time and place, that you don’t share your personal information, that you are not going to lend them money, and so on.
Get closer to God, study his word. If you have inner hurts and isolation issues, find a good Christian LPC, and unpack your emotional baggage before considering to start a new relationship, or getting married. Make a list of the things that are bothering you, and that you would like to change. Learn new things that you are interested about, practice your favorite hobbies, connect with good friends, or make new ones. Once you are healed in your heart you’ll identify people who are healthy. When you become the best version of yourself, then you will attract someone with similar traits.